Do not, whatever you do, make people feel that they are welcome and needed when they start at your organisation: they might stay. So when they turn up at reception on the first day, make sure your receptionist looks completely blank when they say their name. Better still, have the receptionist treat them with deep suspicion, as if they are a potential terrorist - or worse, a salesman.
2. Make new arrivals feel uncomfortable
When they finally get to their desk, ensure it isn't ready. Do not, under any circumstances, have a computer or telephone ready and working for them. And remember that nothing will make them feel less welcome than sitting down to the detritus of the previous job occupant's desk. A nice touch is mouldy, half-eaten sandwiches in the drawers.
3. Don't encourage fun
Never introduce new members of staff to the team - you run the risk of others being nice to them. In fact, actively discourage everyone from being friendly towards one another. Never stump up for staff parties or activities, and certainly never suggest the pub. At the DSC, we have a welcome party for new arrivals, which is almost exactly the same as a leaving do - speeches and all. It's a disaster because it means that new staff feel needed and welcomed and it makes them want to stay and do a really good job for us.
4. Leave people out of the loop
Never explain exactly what anyone's job is or the organisation's "bigger vision". They might start to feel their work is important, believe they know what they're doing and that they have valid points of view. As if!
5. They're still with you?
Time to really break their spirit. Squash all their ideas and suggestions - unless they come up with anything special - in which case, pretend it was your idea. Make promises that you can't keep. Take the credit for everything good that they do, and blame them for all your cock-ups. You should soon see the back of them.
- Debra Allcock Tyler, chief executive of the Directory of Social Change, on the best ways to get new staff - regularly.