Little at Large: Condom tones, dark deeds - and a NEET royal solution

The BBC World Service Trust has unsheathed the latest weapon in its long-running HIV/Aids awareness campaign in India - a mobile ringtone tune with the tender lyrics "Condom! Condom!"

It may not be Bob Dylan, but it's certainly less annoying than the Crazy Frog summoning some witless idiot to their phone. And it's popular.

Since the campaign was launched on 8 August, the ringtone has been downloaded 68,000 times. The Indian government has now adopted the campaign for its own condom promotion.

There have been dark goings-on at the Oxfam shop in West Wickham, south-east London, where a mystery individual has been leaving dead hamsters in the bins. Staff have given decent burials to two furry unfortunates and donated the cages to a hamster rescuer in Blackheath.

It's tempting to blame some local weirdo, but it's worrying to note that anti-hamster sentiment goes all the way to the top. Number one on the Washington Post's list of '25 things you might not know about John McCain' this week is that "he has a stuffed dancing hamster on display in his Senate office". And Number 13 is that "he describes himself as a person who is mostly normal".

We all know there are plenty of young NEETs (Not in Employment, Education or Training) wandering aimlessly around, failing to boost GDP. So why not get them working for charity?

This idea occurred to one Home Counties resident, who is keen for her son's girlfriend to do something useful. "There is concern at the highest level that Kate Middleton still does not have a job," a royal source told The Mail on Sunday. The Queen thinks a children's or animal charity would be best.

Now apparently, Her Madge is badgering William to join a charity as well. Is she on commission or something?

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