Managers are not always self-aware, says Debra Allcock Tyler
The editor of Third Sector and I are about to fall out big time. Why? Because of the photograph that accompanies this very article.
I contend that the image you see on your right is a gross misrepresentation and a distortion of reality. On innumerable occasions I have pointed out that when I look in the mirror at home - admittedly with the curtains drawn and the lights off - I see a tall, slim babe who could easily pass for a 25-year-old and bears an uncanny resemblance to the actress Cameron Diaz: she of There's Something About Mary fame.
This image is not reflected in what can, frankly, only be called - to use the Brummie vernacular - the 'gopping' photograph that appears in this magazine above my name. It seems that he thinks I look more like a cross between my bulldog, Mabel, and a chubby Joan Rivers.
Perceptions are key
And here's the thing. Neither of us is right. We both have a perception of reality that we believe to be the truth. This is an important point for leaders to remember. As a friend of mine once said: "Isn't it funny how we judge ourselves by our motives and others by their actions?"
In other words, we never separate what we were trying to achieve from what happened - the link is obvious to us. But the people we lead can only ever judge us by what they see us do - and all too often they will see things very differently to the way we do.
And this is why it is so critically important to ask for feedback and to really pay attention to what is said.
It doesn't matter if you think you have been misunderstood - the only thing that matters is knowing what they think about you, because that means you will know what you do well and should carry on doing, as well as those things you need to do better at.
So ask your team these questions: "What do I do well? What do I do less well? What do you think my priorities should be? What would I need to do to make you think that you have the best job in the best organisation with the best manager?"
Feedback doesn't have to be painful if only you ask the right questions and really pay attention to what is being said without taking it personally.
- Debra Allcock Tyler is chief executive of the Directory of Social Change and a trustee of MedicAlert
