Paper Round

As Paper Round has often reflected, humanity is divided into two distinct populations: those with trousers and those without.

According to the Tamworth Herald, one man tried to turn that world order on its head with a cunning wheeze that saw him bag three pairs of Farah Menswear's finest ensembles from a local charity shop and proceed to try to switch them for three new suits at Marks & Spencer. Alas, his complex attempt to trouser a refund on the suits was rumbled, leaving him languishing in pantaloon poverty. Given that he was in breeches of his probation, at least he can look forward to a free pair of pyjama bottoms with snazzy arrows on them.

Meanwhile, Ananova.com reported that a Hungarian octogenarian had donated the shirt off his back and the trousers off his backside to a children's hospital appeal. The man now lives in a cardboard box after selling his house and all his possessions in aid of the Budapest clinic where he used to work.

He said: "I feel sad for those children who cannot live a full life because they are sick. I have lived 85 years, and now I think it is their turn to be happy." It brings tears to the eyes, doesn't it?

As do the 'nude' charity calendars that are once again piling up as Christmas looms - particularly the plucky participants' frequent failures to admit they nicked the idea from the Calendar Girls. Take the organiser of a young farmers' meatfest, who told the Dorset Echo: "The nude element was just an idea I came up with. I thought it would be a little bit different."

Surely the biggest porky in the barnyard. Fundraisers, we've seen it all before. Keep those trousers on - and be thankful you have some.

SHE SAID IT

'If a think tank wants to be a charity, it must behave like a charity. The rules are the same for all charities' - Dame Suzi Leather, chair of the Charity Commission, in The Guardian.

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