Paper round

As David Cameron prepares to make his big speech at the Conservative Party conference this weekend, fears that the Tories' lead in the opinion polls might swell his head beyond sensible dimensions appear to have been confirmed at the UK's poshest car boot sale.

According to the BBC website, DC has donated a bicycle helmet he has outgrown to the 150-boot extravaganza in Chedworth, Gloucestershire, which raises funds for the NSPCC.

Paper Round is unable to confirm whether Big Dave's helmet is the very one he was wearing in January when he was snapped breezing through a red light - but, realistically, how many brain buckets can the man possess? Get it while it's hot.

Cyclists jumping red lights have also been upsetting honest, law-abiding drivers in Linlithgow, Scotland. The two-wheeled terrors were competing in a charity race from Glasgow to Edinburgh in aid of Leukaemia Research. But local paper the Linlithgow Gazette was inundated with complaints that they were "causing havoc" on local roads by riding six abreast and addressing pedestrians in less than conciliatory terms. What has this country come to?

That question no doubt occurred to a Cambridgeshire vicar when he discovered that a golf club event to raise money for his crumbling church was to be staffed by bunny girls. After complaints from parishioners, the vic was obliged to turn the other cheek, explaining that dog-collared men could not be seen to associate with ladies wearing rabbit ears. The Bob Champion Cancer Trust has not been so sniffy, and is expected to bag up to £10,000 as salivating company directors pay through the nose to have their putting greens ruined by the stilettos of basque-clad caddies.


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