Paper Round

Crime might not pay for the perpetrators, but it certainly does for Paper Round. Take the irate father at a charity pedal car race who, according to The Daily Telegraph, was in trouble with the law after he got a bit tasty with race marshals when his son's team was disqualified.

The feisty young whippersnapper had been involved in a crash with a rival team at the New Forest event, but the pugnacious pater was having none of it, swearing at the rozzers and getting himself nicked for "unreasonable behaviour".

When he was released four hours later, he was still smarting over what he saw as being manhandled by the arresting officers. But the police claimed he had merely "fallen backwards into a bale of hay in all the excitement".

No doubt a similar accident befell the opportunist who nicked Prince Harry's phone in a Lesotho nightclub. The Daily Mail reported that the soldiering prince was taking a break from charity work in his habitual fashion when his glorified walkie-talkie went AWOL. The thief was bagged a few days later, but had conspicuously failed to make a prank phone call to Prince Charles claiming to have renounced all royal frippery in favour of living out the rest of his days in southern Africa as a nomadic Avon lady. A police source said: "To the thief, Prince Harry was just one of those white guys."

Meanwhile, lags at a maximum security Scottish jail have taken part in an unlikely charity fun run. According to the Daily Record, such chillingly picturesque characters as Jamie 'the Iceman' Stevenson and Robert 'Birdman' O'Hara raised thousands of pounds for the St Andrew's Hospice during the 5km race around the perimeter of HMP Shotts.

The event, won by child killer Billy Ferris, was very competitive, but there was no argy-bargy. Saints alive, it makes you think, doesn't it?


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