Little at Large: That blubbering whale? It's only Mr Splashy Pants

Bertold Brecht's ironic lament about dissolving the people and electing another may be doing the rounds at Greenpeace after a reckless decision to let the public decide the name of a humpback on its Great Whale Trail.

Suggested names in its online poll include Aiko, which means 'little love' in Japanese, and Kaimana, 'divine power of the oceans' in Polynesian. But users of satirical website B3ta shunned these culturally appropriate names in favour of 'Mr Splashy Pants', and joined forces to push the vote up to 73 per cent. Greenpeace has extended the poll deadline to 7 December "due to popular demand". But with the second place option, Humphrey, trailing at 4 per cent, it looks as though Greenpeace is going to have to break the bad news to the whale. If you hear about a humpback making a suicide dash towards a Japanese whaling fleet in the Pacific, you'll know why.

- One thing we lack in the UK charity sector is a decent, old-fashioned sex scandal. They clearly haven't lost the knack in the US. Mark Everson, the married chief executive of the American Red Cross, has been sacked from his $500,000-a-year job after revelations of "hanky panky" with a "sultry Southern belle", in the words of the New York Post. His unlucky lover was a Red Cross employee whose house was demolished by Hurricane Katrina. "She weathered that storm but not this one," said one unforgiving source.

- Whoever said charities don't do long-term thinking? Acevo's report Third Sector Leadership in 2027 boldly predicts that competition for scarce resources on earth may lead us to "move to the final frontier of space". Charities should give it some thought: relocation to Mars as an innovative response to ever-shrinking local authority grants.

  • Mathew Little is a freelance writer mathew.little@haymarket.com

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