Start at the bottom: Fearing his career is beached, Neil Start plans a rescue

TUESDAY: More disturbed sleep, thanks to gruesome career-related nightmares. Possible case for seeking compensation from Goldfish Action Group for stress-induced mental disorder - in latest dream become beached goldfish in Thames surrounded by rescue boats, unable to make them understand am happy to wait for the tide. Wake just as I'm put in canvas winch. Check in with Vorderman, neanderthal flatmate, now working as tarot card reader, for immediate decoding. Verdict: career at GAG on quicksand and too much office interest in my love life. Unable to deal with second until Anka makes promised return, so resolve to show new gusto in first. Don't want to be unemployed father-to-be.

WEDNESDAY: Put to one side dull admin tasks in job description - members' newsletter, planning Christmas catalogue, policing rota for cleaning office kitchenette - and look outside box for Big Project. Need quick turnaround to revive flagging fortunes, so rule out in-depth report on cruelty-related issue. Could do stunt to attract publicity in familiar goldfish costume and orange tights - but (a) there's a heavy frost and (b) colleagues will mutter "publicity mad"and point finger. No, need new approach. Pop out to buy lottery ticket and plan how much of jackpot to give to GAG when win.

THURSDAY: Numbers don't come up. Get call from Tamasin, old college friend now working in PR. Mentions just landed launch for Return of Free Willy, big budget remake of 1990s classic with Brooklyn Beckham in lead role and music by Pete Burns. Whale nightmare instantly transformed into good omen. Can already see gala premiere in aid of GAG in Leicester Square.

Arrange urgent power lunch with Tamasin and circulate email to alert whole office about daring plan.

FRIDAY: Busy planning celebrity guest list to impress Tamasin when spot Anka, looking as big as Baltic Sea, newly arrived in reception. Heart skips a beat.

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