Start at the bottom: Neil Start loses Anka and gains an office full of enemies

Monday: After a perfect weekend reunion with baby Agnetta and Anka, ex-Goldfish Action Group receptionist and soon-to-be co-founder of Fathers4Ever, a pressure group to aid disenfranchised dads, the new week starts badly.

It's a double whammy on the doorstep. David - GAG chairman and Mr Anka - is there begging her to return. He produces a PowerPoint display on why he'll make a better dad than me: it mostly comes down to money. Anka resists until Diana arrives. Head of finance at GAG and Pauline Prescott lookalike, Diana somehow managed to start an affair with me when my back was turned - not literally. I explain I'm back with Anka now. "Then you'll be wanting to come and collect David's fish that you kidnapped and left in my utility room sink," she says. Next thing Anka is bundling up Agnetta while David lands one on me before ushering her and my baby out. Diana busy trashing the nursery - she doesn't share Pauline's forgiving nature.

Wednesday: Preliminary hearing over unfair dismissal claim arranged at GAG by employment lawyer. He says we have to give them a chance to put right injustice before heading for courts. My old desk is already occupied by Francis, who I recruited as marketing assistant before department was axed. Try smiling at him, but his mind is already poisoned. The whole office treats me like Judas wanting to be an apostle after crucifixion.

Even Julie, GAG office cleaner and erstwhile head of 'Reinstate Neil' campaign, delivers burst of Pledge into my left eye, already swollen after David's assault yesterday.

The meeting is brief. No retreat from GAG. "It'll have to be the courts, then," I say to lawyer as I wash Pledge out of weeping eye in nearby public lavatory. He's alarmingly non-committal.

Arrive home to find promised new job as researcher for Roger Fenton-Green, Tory MP, withdrawn. Conduct unbecoming, the letter says, referring to fish-kidnapping incident. Sit in bedroom with gun stolen from recent clay pigeon shoot and contemplate lack of future.

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